Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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