...so i touched it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
