he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
