One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
