You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
