I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
