i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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