My sheets look like a crime scene.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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