she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
