rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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