He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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