my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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