proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
