I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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