Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
