Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
