The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
