Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want to fling myself into the sun
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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