he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
