whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
