So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
