I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
