The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
