I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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