Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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