her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
