I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
