I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
