Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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