I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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