There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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