Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
