She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
