That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize