my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
