I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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