Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
