Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
