Please, let me fuck your mom
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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