If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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