Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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