Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
