i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
