The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
