I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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