Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I touched a dick in church today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
