dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
