Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
