Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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