He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
