yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
