Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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