I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
nutella sex= disaster
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
