can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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