Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize