i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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