so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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