Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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