Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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