I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
