it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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