saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
