You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
