So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found your dick twin last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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