Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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