you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
