at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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