STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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