So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
