He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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