everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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