We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
