She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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