If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
