the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
