I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
