Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize